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[24 Oct 2004|01:45pm]
I don't think I've ever been so confused.

This guy goes on our forum Claiming to be Jacob Luttrell, and OMG did he bash us. It was horrible. Then, I go on this morning to approve the new members and this person joined claiming to be Clay. O_O That is a little too weird for me.

So, anyway, I talked to this lady online (who shall remain nameless) and she told me that the person posting as Jacob could either be Jacob or his manager. She said he has his manager take care of stuff like that. As far as the person pretending to be Clay, I sent her the email he registered on, and she said it might be him. He makes new emails a lot, and even though she didn't recognize that one, it seemed like it could be his.

You guys could only imagin how weirded out I am right now. This was all kind of random. Jacob bashing our forum... Clay joining our forum. If it's all true. Then, wow.

<3 Jess
|2 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

[23 Oct 2004|11:39am]
IDF SUX. The IDFers keep coming on our forum dissing us because "Ohhh IDF is so much better than CA_Forums". Well, that's a load of bull. They just can't handle competition. Does IDF have Quiana Parler as a member? Does IDF have Jerome and Clay lurking on it all.the.time? Sry, I think not. And since CA_Forums is relitively NEW with 241 members... I consider that pretty good. And atleast WE don't have to deal with the Fantasia fans and the Ruben fans and the JPL fans talking crap about us. The only thing we've ever had a problem with are the Jacob fans. And you can't blame them. They don't know what Jacob has done. If they did, I can assure that they wouldn't be a fan of his. If any of you true Claymates wanna join a great forum, go here (you won't regret it):


and here's a little eye candy for all of you:

<3 Jess
|fight the b@ttles within|

LTS [20 Oct 2004|03:51pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I can't wait for Learning to Sing to come out! ~*November 16th*~ The only thing I'm worried if that Clay's gonna lose fans. Did you all read the Major LTS Spoiler? For anyone who missed it:

"I was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live in February 2004.

After the show, the cast always hosts a party at a bar. Now, generally, I avoid bars. I don’t drink. I hate smoke. I can’t stand to have to shout at my friends over a bunch of noise. I’m afraid of crowds. The only reason people go to bars is to get drunk and have sex. To me, bars are what hell is like. But I decided if I was ever going to be in a bar, the night I got to be on Saturday Night Live would be the time to go.

While I was there, a friend dared me to have a cocktail. She had ordered a Cosmopolitan, and when it came I asked her what it was.

“Delicious,” she told me, “try it.”

I refused. Alcohol doesn’t interest me much.

“I bet you can’t drink it,” she chided.

Now, I’m old enough to know when I’m being manipulated. But it had been a huge night for me. Appearing on the show had been a longtime dream of mine, and it had gone exceptionally well.

“Go on,” she urged, pushing the drink in my face.

So I did. I drank the whole thing in one gulp.

All my friends at the party were stunned. They had never seen me drink before, not even a sip of beer. People cheered and applauded. I was feeling pretty proud of myself. And then I felt my face get really, really hot.

Now, not having ever been drunk, I didn’t really know what drunk felt like. I did know that I was growing dizzy and that my face felt like it was on fire. I decided that I had better find a seat. It was at that moment that SNL creator Lorne Michaels walked up and introduced himself.

“Hello,” he said. “I’m Lorne.”

I started trembling. I wondered if he could smell alcohol on my breath. My mind was racing.

“Would you like to sit doen?” he asked.

Why was he asking me to sit down? Did he think I needed to sit down? Did he think I was drunk? Was I drunk?

“The show was terrific,” he said.

I don’t remember what I said.

“Well, Clay, a pleasure to meet you.”

I don’t remember what I said then, either.

Lorne walked away, and I again heard my mother’s voice in my head. What were you thinking, Clayton? Who are you trying to impress? When success turns a person’s head, he is facing failure.

It was true, of course. Even through the fog of a Cosmopolitan, I knew Mama was right.

It’s no surprise to me that it’s my mother’s voice that I hear in my head. Other people call it a conscience. I call it mom.

There were a number of times when I might’ve given in to something if it hadn’t been for her voice telling me to stand firm.

“A clean conscience is a soft pillow,” she’d say. “As long as you live right, you won’t have to worry about what people see.”

I never smoked or drank, and I know that’s because I could hear her saying that those habits were nasty and weak – and because if I were caught, I knew she would look down on me, and that was deterrent enough.

I always wanted to make my mama happy.

I think it’s because when we left Daddy, she was terrified and alone. I sensed that she needed something to keep her going. I decided that something would be me.

From the time I was a boy, Mama would talk to me about the sort of man I was planning to become. “What kind of person do you aspire to be? What do you think matters?” she would ask.

If I answered selfishly, she’d correct me. Because of her, I want to make sure I sing only things that I think are appropriate."

Here's my analysis of the spoiler:

"There’s a couple ways you can look at this spoiler, one way being in black and white. Clay Aiken is a drunk. He lied. He said he didn’t believe in drinking, yet he got drunk. And what is his reason? Peer Pressure. How wrong is that excuse? How can we trust him? He is nowhere near as innocent as we thought he was. Has he ever smoked? Is he still a virgin? What more has he lied about? These are all questions running through our minds. He said he didn’t want to be anything like his biological father, but whether he likes it or not, he still carries Vernon’s genes. And Even though he supposedly only drank that one time, he could get hooked. My health teachers always said stuff like "It only takes once", and that goes for everything. Smoking, Drinking, having Sex… It only takes once. What if Clay Aiken is hooked on alcohol? The point is, Clay didn’t follow the standards he set for himself, and I’m not quite sure if he’s a good role model because of it

Another way to look at it is Good for Clay! Sure, he got drunk, but by getting drunk, he discovered that it wasn’t for him. He didn’t like it, and by the way it’s written, he doesn’t seem willing to ever try it again. He made a mistake. It’s not just the peer pressure… it’s everything. He’s a star. He’s way over worked, and at the same time, expected to be perfect. He’s obviously embarrassed by what he did, and he realizes that it was wrong. He’s going to be getting enough crap from his mother when this book is released, he doesn’t need to get crap from his fans, too. We have no right to be reprimanding him, when it’s really none of our business. So, Clay Aiken got drunk…good for him. The last time I checked, getting drunk when you’re 25 is legal. Plus, he doesn’t fit under the whole ‘drunk’ category. Having one drink does not qualify you as being a drunk. I doubt he’ll ever make the same mistake again. He’s not perfect and people need to realize this.

Which one of those do you fit under? At this point, I’m basically just confused. I have mixed feelings. I still love Clay no matter what, but I have to admit, I needed to watch the primetime interview again to remind myself of why I like him. He did lie. There’s no escaping that. But I’m more worried than mad. The fact that he carries Vernon’s genes is a little too much for me. The only thing that I am truly ticked off at is the whole "I was feeling proud of myself" part. Why would he be proud? I realize he isn’t perfect, and all, but honestly, I expected more from him. For the first time, I was actually quite disappointed in Clay. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a Claymate, and I’m still behind Clay 100%. I will still be buying his Christmas Album and his book on the first day they come out, and I will still be begging my parents for tickets next year. I guess I’m just in shock, and I’m finding myself wondering if he’s really the man I think he is. Let me just say, I can't wait to see what else we find out in this book. I’m just hoping that he doesn’t lose any fans."

Well, I wrote that a few days ago. I think I've calmed down a lot since then, and I've reread the spoiler several times. I don't think it's as bad as it's made out to be. The thing is, the fact that Clay admitted to us that he did get drunk was very brave. Although, I'm still worried, I'm not as disappointed as I was earlier. Ya know, a lot of people think he's changing for the worse. I agree he's changing, but idk if that's a bad thing. To all the claymates out there having doubts, look at these, then, think about it:

Okay. Yea. I think that's enough. XD Isn't he just so cute!? If ya want more pix, just go here:


<3 Jess

|fight the b@ttles within|

OMG [19 Oct 2004|07:33pm]

*sigh* I'm in complete shock cause that was totally unexpected. I'll have to update again later. haha

<3 Jess

|fight the b@ttles within|

I write about what I want [16 Oct 2004|10:10am]

Okay, before I continue with my update,I just wanted to say that if you don't like what I write in my LJ... DON'T READ IT. I've recieved so many complaints from people saying that I take up their friends section with my posts and pix of Clay, and that I say crap about Drama. Well, ya know what? It's My Journal, and I'll write about whatever the heck I want! I'm not gonna be like most people and write about my personal life for the whole world to read. No. See, I actually have a brain. The only thing I wrote about in here ever that showed what I feel is that Drama sux. Which it does. BIG TIME. I never thought I'd actually miss Barlaam. And does anyone know if I can get my money back for the Cabaret DVD? I mean it's only been a year since I ordered it, and i still haven't recieved it. O_O I find that just a tad ridiculous. I definatly want my money back... like now. ;(

Back on to "Remembering the Tour"


Like a warrior that fights
And wins the battle
I know the taste of victory

Though i went through some nights
Consumed by the shadows
And was crippled emotionally

Somehow I made it through the heartace
I escaped
I found my way out of the darkness, kept my faith
Kept my faith

And the river was deep I didn't falter
When the mountain was high
I still believed
When the valley was low
It didn't stop me
I knew you were waiting
Knew you were waiting for me

With and endless desire
I kept on searching
Sure in time our eyes would meet

And like the bridge is on fire
The hurt is over
One touch and you set me free

I don't regret a single moment
Looking back, when I think of all those disappointments
I just laugh, I just laugh

So we were drawn together through destiny
I know this love we share was meant to be
(Chorus X2)


I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name

I want to feel sunlight on my face
I see the dust cloud disappear
Without a trace
I want to take shelter from the poison rain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do

The city's aflood
And our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Trampled in dust
I'll show you a place
High on a desert plain
Where the streets have no name

Where the streets have no name
Where the streets have no name
We're still building
Then burning down love
Burning down love
And when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do
Our love turns to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, and I see love
See our love turn to rust
We're beaten and blown by the wind
Blown by the wind
Oh, when I go there
I go there with you
It's all I can do


All I wanna do when I wake up in the morning is see you eyes
Rosanna, Rosanna
I never thought that a girl like you could ever care for me, Rosanna
All I wanna do in the middle of the evening is hold you tight
Rosanna, Rosanna
I didn't know you were looking for more than I could ever be
Not quite a year since she went away, Rosanna yeah
Now she's gone and I have to say
Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah
Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah
I can see your face still shining through the window on the other side
Rosanna, Rosanna
I didn't know that a girl like you could make me feel so sad, Rosanna
All I wanna take is a night you'll never ever have to compromise
Rosanna, Rosanna
I never thought that losing you could ever hurt so bad
(Instrumental break)
Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah
Meet you all the way, meet you all the way, Rosanna yeah

<3 Jess
|1 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

More [14 Oct 2004|06:21pm]

I wonder how it must have felt
When David stood to face Goliath on a hill
I imagine that he shook with all his might
Until You took his hand, and held on tight

'Cause You were there, You were there
In the midst of danger's snare
You were there, You were there always
You were there when the hardest fight
Seemed so out of reach
Oh, You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So there he stood upon that hill
Abraham with knife in hand was poised to kill
But God in all his sovereignty had bigger plans
And just in time, You brought a lamb

'Cause You were there,
You were there
In the midst of the unclear
You were there, you were there always
You were there when obedience
Seemed to not make sense
You were there, You were always there
You were always there

So haven't I learned that my ways
Aren't as high as Yours are
And You alone keep the universe
From crumbling into dust
You are God and though we would
Not have understood You
There You were

Hanging blameless on a cross
You would rather die than leave us in the dark
Every moment, every planned coincidence
Just all makes sense
With Your last breath

You were there, You were there
During history's darkest hour
You were there, You were there always
You were the Victor and the King
You were the power in David's swing
You were the calm in Abraham
You are the God who understands
You are the strength when we have none
You are the living, Holy one
You were, You are and You will always be
the Risen Lamb of God

You were, You are and You will always be
The Risen Lamb of God
|fight the b@ttles within|

[14 Oct 2004|05:43pm]
Guess what I found out today? Giblin decided to do Godspell. O_O Rumor has it that he's pissed at G and that's why. Well, that's freakin rediculous. Cabaret, last year, was so much fun. There was a huge pit, and it was great to be apart of! Yea, well thanx to Giblin we're going to have a pit of probably less than 10 people, and since I play Flute and Horn I doubt I'll be apart of it. Damn it. Ya know, If it wasn't for the Band Program at FTHS, I would SO switch schools!!!!! Our Drama program sux BIG TIME! I would love to go to Kelly's school, Holy Angels. Man, that school sounds awesome!! And they just won a concert by Ashlee Simpson and Ryan Cabrera! Lucky school. Ughh.. I would just like to say that band is the ONLY thing keeping me from hating school (and going insane)!!! And I've basically come to the conclusion that our school really doesn't give a shit about our band program, and you have no idea how much that pisses me off. We have about 120 students in the Marching band, and do you have any idea how irritating it is to try to fit in the SMALL Band Room the school provides us with!? I think we deserve just a little bit of R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!! I'm tellin ya, I wouldn't be mad if my parents decided to move. (As long as it's not in PA... I wouldn't be able to stand living in the same state as Katie Upchuk). Ya know where I really wanna move? NC! And not just because of the obvious fact that Clay grew up there, but because I know so many people who have been there, and they tell me how it's so beautiful there, and how the people are just so nice and welcoming. I've also heard so much about their schools there. Sandee's bro goes to College there, and she's mentioned how she wants to go there. They have really great programs there. Not to mention that "North Carolina Barbaque is the best".... in the words of Clay Aiken. HAHA.

Ohh that reminds me, It's October 14th... there's only a few days until the Summer Tour is officially over. *tear* Good Times. July 23rd... Tour Buses... *sigh* "Wanna touch the hand that touched the man!?" hahahaha. I really hope I can meet him some day...Even though some people think touching his hand is meeting him, I don't. I wanna have a one-on-one convo with him! :) With Luck, he'll come to NJ next summer for his tour, and I'll be able to go.

So, anyway, The Solo Tour is coming to an end. Time to remember all the good times we've had this summer, and of course all the new songs we got to know and love:


For five long years
I thought you were my man
But I found out, I'm just a link in your chain
Oh, you got me where you want me
I ain't nothin but your fool
Ya treated me mean
Oh you treated me cruel
Chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain
Chain of fools

Every chain, has got a weak link
I might be weak child, but I'll give you strength
Oh, babe
Woo, woo, woo, woo

You told me to leave you alone
(Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo)
My father said 'Come on home'
(Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo)
My doctor said 'Take it easy'
(Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo)
Oh but your lovin is just too strong
(Ooo, ooo, ooo, ooo)
I'm added to your
Chain, chain, chain, etc.
Chain of fools

Oh, one of these mornings
The chain is gonna break
But up until the day
I'm gonna take all I can take, oh babe

Chain, chain, chain
Chain, chain, chain
Chain of fools...

I'll update More Later! :)

<3 Jess
|fight the b@ttles within|

Blends.. [13 Oct 2004|02:21pm]
Just wanted to show off my latest Blends...

What do ya think of them? (The Noah ones suck cause I made them in like 2 minutes each. haha)

<3 Jess
|1 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

Finally Updating. [13 Oct 2004|01:49pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I haven't updated in the longest time. But there's a lot that has happened. I'm really ticked off about this kid in school who is a total ass (of course I won't mention any names). I used to know him, but let me tell ya, he changed. Majorly. O_O I hate it. Why do people have to change? *sigh* Nevermind. On to something else, Ms. McDonald got tickets to see Clay in NJ on December 2nd, and she was gonna give them to me, but I KNEW my parents would say no. I didn't even complain. I'm letting Jess Gorman get the tix. Lucky her. And lucky Kelly! lol. Second Row!!! Wooohooo. That's awesome. Well, I guess I'll still be at the concert (in the form of Kelly's cellphone *wink*). I wanna go to the Christmas Tour so bad... especially now that I've heard "Mary Did You Know?" (Amazing Song!). Ughh. And Kelly and I had a conversation about how we think Clay's gonna come out on stage with a santa hat and a bag full of "tapes by Clayton Grissom"! hahhahahahha Oh man. That would be hysterical.

Anyway, have you all heared MDYK? It's so beautiful.

And it's gonna be on:

Mary, Did You Know
by Avalon

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy would some day walk on water?
Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?
Did you know
That your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered
Will soon deliver you

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will calm a storm with His hand?
Did you know
That your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
When you’ve kiss your little baby
Then you've kissed the face of God

Mary, did you know?
Mary, did you know?
The blind will see
The deaf will hear
The dead will live again
The lame will leap
The dumb will speak
The praises of the Lamb

Mary, did you know
That your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
That your baby boy will one day rule the nations?
Did you know
That your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding
Is the Great I Am

Well, that's gotta be all the update for now.. I'm watching From Justin to Kelly, and it's at the part where they sing "Anytime"!! (LOVE THAT SONG!)

<3 Jess

|1 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

YAY! [27 Sep 2004|02:18pm]
[ mood | bored ]

I made an Aladdin Blend!

(just felt like sharing)

And here are the other blends I've made with PSP 9:


<3 Jess

|1 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

[27 Sep 2004|01:49pm]
[ mood | bored ]

*bored* I stayed home sick today, and I have nothing to do! So far, I've watched Angus, ER, and I've updated the Forum by adding a Canadian Idol Section. Yea, can you say bored? haha. Well, the good news is that the forum gained 7 new members. We now have 211. I think that's pretty good considering that we only made the forum about a month ago. :) I'm actually a little worried because this one girl that joined made a Jacob Love thread, and I can just tell that it's gonna start fights! *sigh* Looks like we're gonna have another member to ban. :'(

Anyway, I was on the phone with Kayla last night for a few hours, and we talked about so much stuff. Including our future careers. I think Kayla would make a great shrink because she actualy listens to people, and she's trustworthy. :) It's the perfect job for her. As for me, I have a pretty good idea of what my dream job is. I would love to work with medicine... probably as an RN. I think it would be perfect for me! RNs can work in hospitals (which is where I really wanna work), they can make up their own hours (so I'd be able to spend time with my family), and their starting salary is about $65,000 a year. That's pretty good. :) Plus, I would just love to be helping people. To make sure that I really want to do this, My Mom and I are thinking of volunteering as an EMS. I really hope we do it! It would really help me make up my mind, and if I DO decide to become a Nurse, being an EMS is a pretty good start (and good for college). Well, I'll know on Wensday if w're doing it or not *crosses fingers*.

*sigh* all this medicine talk makes me think of ER. (BEST.SHOW.EVER.) Anyone see the season premier!?

<3 Jess

|5 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

Wooooo [25 Sep 2004|05:29pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I feel so talented. There's a new thing called PSP9, and I downloaded a trial. It's really similar to PSP8. Anyway, I made this Blend/Avvie set for myself:

Aren't they awesome!? I love the way they came out! Plus, that's only the second Avvie I've ever made! I should start a Blend Shop! :)

<3 Jess

|4 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

*sick* [25 Sep 2004|10:49am]
[ mood | sick ]

I guess it's my turn to be sick! *cough* *cough* I woke up this morning, and I couldn't swallow. Well, atleast I don't have to worry about getting better for a football game or anything since we don't have any this week.

I have a question... What ever happened to the Tour DVD?? Please tell me they didn't decide not to make one! :'(

These are the only dates I have:

Sept. 28th - Aladdin Soundtrack (POYB)
Oct. 5th - Aladdin DVD
Nov. 16th - Christmas CD
Nov. 16th - Learning to Sing Hearing the Music in Your Life

Why isn't the tour DVD on there? Oh Man, I wish I could actually view IDF. Anyone wanna do me a MAJOR favor? Can you PM Hannah aka bac0nbits and ask her to atleast let me view the forum? I hate it when people send me links and are like "OH MY GAWD YOU'VE GOTTA SEE THIS!" And the link is somewhere on IDF. O_O It sux. For those of you wondering as to why I got banned.......That's why.

<3 Jess

|3 sh@ttered he@rts| |fight the b@ttles within|

All I have to say [24 Sep 2004|08:54pm]
[ mood | whatever ]

All I have to say is Holly was right.. SO UNBELIEVABLY RIGHT. Congrads to everyone who made drama. I really feel bad for some people who I know that didn't make it that I really think deserved to. And no, I'm not talking about myself, I'm talking about some people who I've talked to that were determined to make it.. absolutely determined. FYI, I really didn't care if I made it or not, since I'm already too busy in band. What I'm kind of pissed at is that according to Brent, I'm too "Barlaam" and he warned me that I wouldn't make it (so did a ton of other people). What is that supposed to mean anyway? Too Barlaam? lmao. Yea.. I was in Barlaam plays...But does that mean I act like Barlaam? It seems to me that some people are just a little too full of themselves. O_O

Anyway, I hope the people who didn't make it find a way to still be involved in the club. I can't, since I'm too busy as it is, but others definatly should.

In other news.. lol..I got banned from that Quiana fan group, and I have no clue why. It seems like people are banning me just because I hate Jacob. Even if I don't say anything wrong... I'm automatically banned. Hrmm... that's weird. Well, "I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW!!!" haha. Actually Kelly and I both do. I think she's gona tell Jerome. He was online the other day (according to Kelly). Jeez why am I never on when he's on? lol. Well, actually, I was.. but only like twice. haha. I wanna talk to Jerome, but I can't call him or anything. I don't want to bother him. Unless, of course, my parents let me buy Clay tix for another concert... Then, I'd have to call Jerome because he promised me meet and greet passes. :) Jerome Rox. haha.

Jacob's nose is bigger than his package -cough-

haha. Sry, HAD to say that. Yea, so, what else do I have to say? Well, Quiana's on our forum, and she hasn't logged on since September 12th. :( *tear* she must come back... NOW. haha. And Jerome has Clay lurking on our forum... but he said he won't let Clay post because he doesn't want him to start trouble. Kelly and I are determined to get him to post. heehee. He will.. he will.. you'll see... I swear. lmao.

Anyone who hasn't joined the forum... JOIN NOW! I can assure you that Clay will recieve all your mail. :)


<3 Jess

|fight the b@ttles within|

Katie [24 Sep 2004|07:33pm]
Hrmm... Should I stoop to Katie's level? Don't you think she's a backstabbing BI!? :spaz:

Ohhh I'm really insulting her now!!!!! LMAO.

Don't you think it's kind of stupid to post about other people in you LJ/Xanga? Katie had some lovey stuff to say about me in her's. O_O Pathetic? No Life? Yea I guess that's it. Katie has no lfe.. no friends. She seems to get enjoyment out of insulting people. It appears that her friends want to kick my arse. Oh boy!! I'm so scared!! People in PA are gonna kick my arse! lmao.

Ya know why they wanna kick my arse? Read this... I'm sure it'll give you a good laugh!!

GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=crazyreeses614
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: its about u i think u should read it
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=crazyreeses614
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=crazyreeses614
GonzClaymate2607: God, ya know you need to get a damn life
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: i need a life u need a life if u name ur flute
qtkt4415: lmao
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=crazyreeses614
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=crazyreeses614
GonzClaymate2607: hipocrite
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: we can play this game all night
qtkt4415: ur a back stabbin bitch
GonzClaymate2607: woo hoo!!!! I love games
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: ur a back stabbin bitch
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: ur a back stabbin bitch
qtkt4415: slut
qtkt4415: whore
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: cum guzzling gutter slut
qtkt4415: lot lizard
GonzClaymate2607: yea, that's right, I'm a slut...I'm not the one who gives guys hand jobs
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: lol i got farther than u ever will until ur like 90
GonzClaymate2607: that's good
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: y r u talkin to me if u hate me
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: y r u talkin to me if u hate me
GonzClaymate2607: 3 words to describe you: fat ass whore
GonzClaymate2607: :)
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: i kno my ass is fat but at least my chest isnt as flat as my back. like urs r
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
GonzClaymate2607: is that the best you've got
GonzClaymate2607: pretty pathetic
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: go away i dont like u
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: u smell like fish
qtkt4415: ur bitter
qtkt4415: ur a hyporcrit
GonzClaymate2607: really... hmmm *sniff sniff* actually more like fresh laundry
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: ur a back stabbin bitch
qtkt4415: u stabbed me in the back jess
GonzClaymate2607: you're just upset that you've lost all your friends around here.. and ya know what.. that's okay
GonzClaymate2607: awww now you have something in common with Carter
GonzClaymate2607: be happy
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: i didnt loose heather and i didnt loose steph
GonzClaymate2607: woopdi doo
qtkt4415: u and kayla lost me
GonzClaymate2607: :)
GonzClaymate2607: that's right
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: u went behind my back and stabbed me in the back
GonzClaymate2607: wow... really?
GonzClaymate2607: that's interesting really
GonzClaymate2607: you need to think of something else to say
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: im glad im not ur friend ne more cuz ur a worthless pathetic smelly band geek who has no life
GonzClaymate2607: really? atleast I shave every now and then.. and atleast people can actually tell that I'm a girl
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: people can most def tell that im a gurl hunny i do shave ok
qtkt4415: ???????????????
GonzClaymate2607: lmao... well then what's with the hair? are you a monkey
qtkt4415: the knife stabbin me in the heart
GonzClaymate2607: really? awww
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: oooo the pain just twisting and twisting oo the pain......fuckin skank jump of a cliff or better yet go fuck kyle and richie cuz those r the best u can get
GonzClaymate2607: lmao
GonzClaymate2607: atleast guys like me for me and not my boobs
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: lol guys like me for my personality not for my boobs were did u pull that one out of ur ass
GonzClaymate2607: no actually I just laughed my ass off....
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: reall y i laugh my ass off ever time u say ooo clay oo clay oo carter get a life u'll never have clay
GonzClaymate2607: I'll be sure to tell him that
qtkt4415: oook go ahead
GonzClaymate2607: kk :) I'd be happy to
qtkt4415: y dont u just go away and stay out of my life im stayin out of urs just like u said to do and i didnt leave u guys behind i had to leave cuz if i didnt i would be dead right now if i still lived in jersey
GonzClaymate2607: boo hoo... and you're not leaving me alone are you? I mean you did email me... AND you did try to join the forum again... btw why are you trying to reregister? I never banned ya ya know? sheesh
GonzClaymate2607: Did Jerome tell you my plan?
qtkt4415: no i dont talk to him
GonzClaymate2607: oops damn wrong IM
GonzClaymate2607: I meant to Im Quiana cause we're planning a surprise for Clay. He's gonna be so excited
qtkt4415: kool whut r u gonna do
GonzClaymate2607: we're gonna have his mom surprise him on stage and sing with him
qtkt4415: koliz
qtkt4415: good luck
GonzClaymate2607: thanx
qtkt4415: no prob
qtkt4415: can we forget whut hapened
GonzClaymate2607: ummm which part?
qtkt4415: everything
GonzClaymate2607: you mean.. you cursing me off? you cursing me off on my forum? Kayla being threatened because of something you said? your friends cursing me off about some person named torri? you saying I smell? you saying I'll never get a guy? You saying I have no boobs? you called me a 2 faced backstabber? or your lovely email?
qtkt4415: well yea u kno ill forgive u if u forgive me we can put this behind us and be civil i dont want to come home everyday and be pissed of and neither do u i bet?
GonzClaymate2607: pissed off? why would I be pissed off?
qtkt4415: pissed off or tired of fightin over stupid stuff u no ur better than this and yea i am 2 but it just urks me that u got made at me overnight
GonzClaymate2607: ummm over night?
qtkt4415: i've been havin a short fuse every since i got into a fight and u just sent me over the edge
GonzClaymate2607: hmm... well, maybe you should reread your email then
qtkt4415: yea over night tuseday u called me tellin me whut happened then weds u freak out on me
qtkt4415: the one i sent u or the one u sent me
GonzClaymate2607: u sent me
qtkt4415: i know its mean im sry jess
GonzClaymate2607: u barely ever say hate
GonzClaymate2607: and when you say it you mean it
GonzClaymate2607: i didn't cuss u off did i?
GonzClaymate2607: and u still never answered my question
GonzClaymate2607: why are you compelled to care?
qtkt4415: i no u didnt but u snapped at me
qtkt4415: y becuz i will always care for u kayla and anyone that is my friend or aquantins
qtkt4415: even if u guys hate me i will always be there if u need me u know that
GonzClaymate2607: hmmm if by you being there....does that mean you'll send me threatening emails about some torri person?
GonzClaymate2607: or tell steph whatever crap i say about her so she can get her gang after me next?
qtkt4415: i wont do it again i snapped last night i cracked
qtkt4415: their not gonnna hurt kayla
GonzClaymate2607: what is your definition of a friend?
qtkt4415: sum1 who will be there and sum1 u will fight with sum1 who no matter after anyhting is there for u and someone who's trustfull nice lovin and funny
qtkt4415: whuts ur's
GonzClaymate2607: that's a very hypocritical definition.
qtkt4415: y u say that
GonzClaymate2607: becuase that's not you
GonzClaymate2607: cause*
GonzClaymate2607: think about it katie....
qtkt4415: im thinkin
GonzClaymate2607: everytime I called you you tried to turn the conversation into yourself... even if I had something majorly important to say. You were never really there for me.
qtkt4415: i listened ever time u called
GonzClaymate2607: no you didn't. it was obvious
|fight the b@ttles within|

Making A Difference In Clay's Life [24 Sep 2004|07:30pm]

This is so beautiful. I got it from someone at TBAF...

I was at the Wilkes Barre concert in the front row and what I witnessed that evening was incredible, almost undescribable. I have attended a lot of concerts in my lifetime, some of the biggest names in the world, but what happened on Sunday evening far surpassed anything I had ever seen before, and probably ever will experience again.

Clay sat down with his back-up singers, Angela, Quiana, and Jacob, ready to sing his acoustic set consisting of 'Measure of a Man', Fields of Gold', 'When I Need You', and 'Carolina on my Mind'.

Up to this point, Clay had given us a FANTASTIC concert. He was so 'on' and his voice semed back to normal. He was in a great mood, singing his heart out, teasing the crowd, and we loved it.

The opening notes to 'Measure of a Man' started and after the initial screams, the audience quieted down and we started to listen to this magnificent voice softly singing the first few lines:

If one day you discover him
broken down, he's lost everything.
No cars, no fancy clothes
to make him who he's not.
The woman at his side is all that he had got.
Why do you ask him, move heaven and earth,
to prove his love has worth?

You could hear the audience start to sing at the second line and very quietly, after 'to prove his love has worth', Clay said, 'sing'.

At that point, 8,800 of Clay's friends sang 'Measure of a Man TO Clay while he just sat there and took it all in. We weren't singing with him, we were singing to him, singing what he means to us, singing our hearts out for him.

It was one of the most moving experiences of my life. Clay looked around the arena, seemingly in disbelief, then leaned over and grasped Quiana's arm, as if for support.

By the end of the song, Quiana was wiping the tears from her eyes and Clay bowed his head in disblief, humility, and gratitude. I think he was verklempt. I think we may have made him cry. You could feel the love in the auditorium from the front row all the way back to the last seat in the balcony. It took a few extra bars of the intro to 'Field of Gold' before Clay could start singing again.

So as much as Clay makes a difference in our lives, I think that we are making a difference in his, too. Not just through TBAF, or by purchasing albums, or by showing up at his appearances, but just by being there for him, supporting him, and loving him. We showed Clay our love that Sunday evening and I will never forget it. I hope Clay will always remember the love and appreciation that flowed from that audience right to his heart.

*tear* that is just so beautiful. It's great to know that we make a difference in his life. :-)
|fight the b@ttles within|

Proud Of Your Boy [24 Sep 2004|07:20pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Proud of your boy
I'll make you proud of your boy
Believe me, bad as I've been, Ma
You're in for a pleasant surprise

I've wasted time
I've wasted me
So say I'm slow for my age
A late bloomer, Okay, I agree

That I've been one rotten kid
Some son, some pride and some joy
But I'll get over these lousin' up
Messin' up, screwin' up times

You'll see, Ma, now comes the better part
Someone's gonna make good
Cross his stupid heart
Make good and finally make you
Proud of your boy

Tell me that I've been a louse and loafer
You won't get a fight here, no ma'am
Say I'm a goldbrick, a good-off, no good
But that couldn't be all that I am

Water flows under the bridge
Let it pass, let it go
There's no good reason that you should believe me
Not yet, I know, but

Someday and soon
I'll make you proud of your boy
Though I can't make myself taller
Or smatter or handsome or wise

I'll do my best, what else can I do ?
Since I wasn't born perfect like Dad or you
Mom, I will try to
Try hard to make you
Proud of your boy

<3 Jess

|fight the b@ttles within|

New Journal [24 Sep 2004|07:08pm]
I made my self a lovely new journal! For those of you who don't know, it's me, Jess, lordzyladzy911. I figured I'd make a new LJ because I got so sick of my other one (I don't know why.. just too much crap, i guess), so I made this one! =D
Sure, it looks the same, but it's different.. a different sn...different posts... all that good stuff! :)

|fight the b@ttles within|

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